Wednesday, August 31, 2011

A tweak in my plans...

So. Things are going well. We are slowly getting back on track with school, sleeping schedules, chores, and such. Mostly finishing up last year's school, and waiting to order our new curriculum (this Friday, YAY!). I really am looking forward to the new books, new paper and pencils, new start! I love fresh starts!! Then, a wrench gets thrown (and stuck) into our/MY wheels. I found out I have a ventral (abdominal) hernia. Not to big of a deal, in general, but I have noticed that it's getting bigger. It does make me feel nauseous at times, as well as cause pain, or at the very least, discomfort. First opinion was to get surgery, and soon. Second opinion? Same. The good news is I like my surgeon. Well, as much as you can like someone you know for a whole 7 minutes or so. The other good news is he will go in laproscoptically to fix it. Bad news is that IF it's too close to my pelvic, he will actually have to "open me up" to fix it. Yuck. Just a harder route, all around. But, I have faith that things will be ok, no matter what way it needs to be fixed, or how the surgery goes. I am reminded to be thankful I live in a country where I can simply decide to go to the doctor and fix whatever needs to be fixed, period. But there is more. The worse news? This is the hardest, HARDEST part for me. Recovery will be for 4 weeks. Not too bad, at first. I figure, sure. I can do that. So, running? Exercising? This won't be the time to start training for anything? Nothing too crazy, right? Well, yes. And no. I cannot lift or carry ANYTHING over 5 lbs. What? 5 LBS?!? So, what? I can carry my water bottle, MAYBE? (Better weigh that sucker, lol!). No, what this means is I cannot lift or carry my sweet, precious 8 month old beauty, Liana. Ugh. This is killing me. JUST the thought of it, and I haven't even had to start yet! How in the WORLD can I go about my day, ignoring my sweet baby reaching up to me? Nursing her is going to be ridiculously complicated!! I'm seriously having major anger issues with this. Why would my GOD and KING ask this of me? Why this surgery,at this time? And then I think....Why not me? Many, MANY better people than I go through (and are going through) much worse. But I'm still in anguish over how hard this is going to be. On me, on Liana, on my oldest, Julia. Chris will be mostly at work, so it will fall mostly on my sweet Julia. Every time I think of what is ahead, I am again filled with the smothering anguish and sadness. This, all this emotion, anger... all about a measly four weeks. Four weeks that will, most likely, be soon forgotten.

Our amazing and wonderful Lord reminds me of Romans 8:28..."And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." He reminds me that whatever the outcome of this surgery, this process, it is His will. He is molding and sculpting me to become the more perfect me for His Kingdom. And others, too. Wonderful family and beautiful friends, rising to the "occasion", ready and willing to help. And...I see some of how He already has graciously prepared to care for me, as I would lovingly prepare for my own children. I am so thankful for that. Praise our King, Creator of All! He who loves us SO much, who gave us Christ Jesus to save us. Thank you, Heavenly Father, for loving us and for using all things, good and bad, hard and easy, for your Glory and our good!

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” ~ Joshua 1:9

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